I Hate You But It's Only Temporary

Sometimes in life, we have something that we wish for with all of our heart and soul. It starts as a wish but it grows into something much more than that.  It becomes part of our very being and when ever we see or hear about someone having what we crave, the demon of hate rises.  You never really want it to come but it does.  The hate rises like an ocean wave, getting taller and taller as it approaches the shore, then crashes down with all it's fury, leaving a hollowness behind in your chest that threatens to swallow you whole.

The sad thing about this type of hate is that it is often directed at people that you love and care about.  And when this type of hate arises and is directed at people you love, it makes the hollowness seem that much more painful.  Then you feel like a horrible human being for feeling that way towards a friend.  The cycle of the hatred and the guilt is almost enough to psychologically damaging.

In recent years, this particular hatred has arisen more often than I would like and it is centered around one main thing: babies.  My body has told me in no uncertain terms that my biological clock is ticking.  I have friends that are getting pregnant, having babies and while I am happy for them, when the news first hits me, I can't help but hate them for having what I want so bad.  Then I feel bad for hating a friend, a member of my pack.  They have done nothing wrong but lived their life, but yet they have what I want, what I crave.

To you, my beloved friends, I am sorry for the hatred.  I am truly happy for the blessings that you have and I want to celebrate you.  So while I hate you for having what I want, the hatred is only temporary.  I love you.