Pain of the Past & the Future

With my third grade students, we have been reading about Martin Luther King Jr and the protests that took place in the South, including Bloody Sunday.  After our reading, I encouraged them to write who, what, where, when, why, and how questions about what they read.  Some of their questions were pretty typical, such as "Who killed MLK?" and "Why did they use tear gas?".  However, some of their questions caught me off guard "Why did they hate black people?"  "Why didn't they want people to mix?"

I have to admit that to hear those questions struck a cord within my soul.  How could I explain the hatred that lives, and still lives, within the hearts of others?  Was it my place to go into detail of why some people felt an automatic disdain for people who were not Caucasian?

I did my best to explain why people felt hatred towards others of a different race.  The hardest part was explaining that during the civil rights movement, they wouldn't be able to be friends with their classmates of color.  The look of disbelief on their faces could break even the hardest of hearts.  They honestly did not understand how  people could dislike someone simply because they had a different skin tone.

Another hard part was that I had to bite my tongue before my brain started spilling out that it is possible that this type of hatred is coming back into the spotlight.  It was difficult to not say that people are being hated this very day simply because people that practice a certain spiritual path are being singled out and being punished simply because of the bad choices of a few people.

I can only hope that I never have to explain why people are being singled out, abused, and made to feel like they are second class citizens simply because of their religion.

It's All About ME!!!

There comes one day for everyone where others celebrate.  It is a time of gifts, cake, and all around party silliness.  That's right, I am talking about a person's birthday.

To me, a birthday is your own personal holiday.  You should be able to do whatever you want because it it your day.  Eat the whole birthday cake by yourself?  Sure, why not.  Dance naked in your front yard? Okay but make sure you have bail money.

Me personally, all I ask is to not work on that day, to sleep in, and to enjoy Chinese food for lunch.  A simple day but it makes me happy.  I can focus on me on the day of my birth and not feel bad about it.  And why should you feel bad?  There is 365 days in a year (366 if you are on a leap year) and on most days, we dedicate ourselves to others.  It is not too much to ask to have a day to yourself at least once a year and it is not selfish.  Don't let others try to convince you otherwise.

So, have fun and celebrate the day you were born.  The world became more awesome the day you joined it.

Smooches!

Weigh In Time (Part 1)

So, we had our first official weigh in for the weight loss challenge.  I lost 4.6 pounds since the initial weigh in (last Wednesday).  Not to bad of a start to the challenge.  Now the key thing will be to continue loosing the weight while not gaining any of it back.

I can't say that I did much to loose the pounds, other than got sick.  I was able to talk myself out of picking up several sodas through out the week, which I don't keep in the house for that very reason.  The next hard step will be to continue to hold on to that willpower and say no to things that I shouldn't have.  This means continuing to cut back on sweets and how much soda I drink.  (For those that say I should cut it out completely, that isn't going to happen so don't harp me on it.)

The other part of my plan to keep the weight from coming back is to get more exercise into my life.  Since I work 2 jobs, heading to the gym is not an option plus it is an expense that I really can't afford right now.  Every day I do not work my 2nd job, I plan on working out in my living room either on the Wii or using one of the 2  workout videos that I have.  I want to try to do at least 30 minutes on those days.  On the days that I do work both jobs, I have a little workout sheet that challenges me to do a certain amount of planks, crunches, squats, and push-ups every day, with every 4th day or so being a time to rest.  Ideally, I want to do one of each of those challenges but I will settle for doing two on the days that I work both jobs.

So, here is hoping that this week's success is a good sign of things to come.

Drawing Down

This past Halloween, I got together with friends to participate in a Samhain ritual.  It was to be a decent into the underworld to confront parts of yourself and your past, a time to reflect, then a guidance back up to the world of the living.  I have not been one of the key players in a ritual before, just a participant.  This particular ritual was involving deities I hadn't worked with either.

I won't go into the exact details of the ritual but the basis of it was that you had to go through 3 portals while heading into the underworld before you spoke with the goddess.  You were then escorted to an area to reflect on what you were told and you had to wait until you were guided to a spot where you could make your return to the land of the living.  Part of this process for those who were leading the ritual was to "become"  the deity that they were given.  This is known as "drawing down" which is when you are inviting the spirit of the deity into your physical body and to occupy it for a certain amount of time.  Many people could consider this a possession of some kind, but I've never thought of it that way.  To me, a possession  is an invasion, an occupation of your body without your permission.  With a drawing down, you are entering into a partnership with that deity.  And the partnership is different with every person and every deity.  None are alike.

With me, I was inhibited by an individual that I came to call "the handmaiden of the goddess".  I never knew her name but she was an important individual in the scheme of things.  She guided the souls to the meditation place and retrieved them in order for them to return to the land of the living.  In my experience, she was a gentle aspect, not forcing my consciousness away.  I was allowed to remain, to be a silent witness to everything.  Aspects of it now are rather fuzzy since a mortal should not be completely privy to everything a goddess says & does, but I do rememeber her being a gentle, yet firm personality who was very polite when she spoke, especially when she was speaking to her mistress.

After it was all said and done, I welcomed the experience.  It left me rather tired but yet I felt that I had gained wisdom, not only about myself but about the nature of the universe.

It Is For Your Own Good

With the new year upon us, it is time for people to start making those new year's resolutions.  We all do it, even if we don't say them out loud.  According to statisicbrain.com the top 5 resolutions are:
1) Loose Weight
2) Get organized
3) Spend less, save more
4) Enjoying life to the fullest
5) Staying fit and healthy

Any of these sounding familiar?  And according to the same site, 45% of Americans make new year's resolutions, although it didn't say what the percentage was of people actually keeping them.

I will admit that my "unspoken resolution" is the 1st one on the above list.  (Hey I didn't say it, I just wrote it so it is still considered an unspoken resolution.)  And since I work at a school, they are doing a a weight loss challenge.  It costs $20 to enter and you are weighed in every Friday.  At the end of 13 weeks, a winner will be chosen based on the percentage of weight lost.

Now, I will admit that this will be a challenge for me.  My weight is definitely not where I would like it to be, due to lack of exercise and my veracious sweet tooth.  However, it is something that I need to do.  Heart problems run on both sides of my family and weight induced diabetes runs on my mom's side.  Plus it would help my lower joints tremendously if I could loose some of the weight and keep it off.

Why am I telling you any of this? I do plan on documenting my experience in this challenge.  Maybe someone will see it and it will encourage them.  Maybe it will act as a reminder to keep trying.  I'll share my weight at the start (194 pounds) and at the end, and hopefully, there will be a good change in the numbers.

I just need to remember....it is for my own good

I Hate You But It's Only Temporary

Sometimes in life, we have something that we wish for with all of our heart and soul. It starts as a wish but it grows into something much more than that.  It becomes part of our very being and when ever we see or hear about someone having what we crave, the demon of hate rises.  You never really want it to come but it does.  The hate rises like an ocean wave, getting taller and taller as it approaches the shore, then crashes down with all it's fury, leaving a hollowness behind in your chest that threatens to swallow you whole.

The sad thing about this type of hate is that it is often directed at people that you love and care about.  And when this type of hate arises and is directed at people you love, it makes the hollowness seem that much more painful.  Then you feel like a horrible human being for feeling that way towards a friend.  The cycle of the hatred and the guilt is almost enough to psychologically damaging.

In recent years, this particular hatred has arisen more often than I would like and it is centered around one main thing: babies.  My body has told me in no uncertain terms that my biological clock is ticking.  I have friends that are getting pregnant, having babies and while I am happy for them, when the news first hits me, I can't help but hate them for having what I want so bad.  Then I feel bad for hating a friend, a member of my pack.  They have done nothing wrong but lived their life, but yet they have what I want, what I crave.

To you, my beloved friends, I am sorry for the hatred.  I am truly happy for the blessings that you have and I want to celebrate you.  So while I hate you for having what I want, the hatred is only temporary.  I love you.