The Reminder

There is a mark on my right hand, a pink mark about an inch long. It is a scar, caused by self harm.

This particular mark was created due to an conversion between myself and my boss. The negative feedback that I received was overwhelming to my brain. When this happens, a pit of despair opens up & threatens to swallow me whole. The pain in my chest can get to the point where I feel I have to cause pain elsewhere on my body to allow the release of the pain in my heart. I don't use any tool, just my fingernails. I will scratch my skin hard, over and over again until I feel the pain in my heart subside. In most cases, the scratches are in areas covered by my clothes and done when no one is around. Sadly, the mark on my hand was caused during the conversation with my boss, running a fingernail back and forth, like a saw against my skin.

Why do I share this? What good can come from it? They say that the first step to healing is to admit you have a problem. I have been self harming for years, since my teens. I have spoken of it to very few people but my husband knows the true depths of it. He has helped me and I don't do it as much as I used to. But I still do it and the scar is a reminder of what happens when that depression take a hold. The scar also reminds me that I can heal as well.

Flamingos Don't Equal Sex Freud

I have never been one for trying to interpret my dreams since they can get pretty weird, but I had one the other night that had me curious about some of the symbols.  

To start off, I was dreaming that I was in a M.A.S.H. episode.  Hawkeye kept running off during the whole episode, trying to find a pet to keep in the Swamp because he was lonely.  I was one of the many people that kept trying to find him every time he ran off.  He finally arrived, via a helicopter, hugging a rather grumpy flamingo.  Not a stuffed flamingo, but a live, pink flamingo.  The dream ends with the flamingo struggling out of Hawkeye's arms and flying away.

Now, when it comes to dream interpretation, you need to pick out the images that stand out the most.  I would say the images that stood out to me was pink, flamingo, searching, and Hawkeye, so lets start with what those images mean.

Flamingo: To see a flamingo in your dream represents you sense of community and cooperation. It also indicates new experiences or situations. Alternatively, you may be overly concerned with your physical appearance.

Pink:  Pink is a combination of red and white. It is an innocent version of red. Pink represents love, sweetness, happiness, kindness, romance, compassion, softness, and affection. It is associated with femininity and could also be associated with being in young love or the healing powers of love and friendship.

Hot pink or magenta may represent feelings of lust and have a sensual undertone, like the color red.

Pink may also have negative connotations, especially if the dreamer dislikes pink. It can be a color of immaturity and weakness. Dreaming of pink consistently may represent issues of dependency or unresolved issues with parents. Finally, some may associate pink with getting a pink slip or getting fired from a job.

Pink is associated with the heart chakra or the fourth chakra. Some may associate pink with universal love and caring for others.

Searching:  To dream that you are searching for something signifies the need to find something that is missing or needed in your life. The dream may be analogous to your search for love, spiritual enlightenment, peace or even a solution to a problem.

Hawkeye:  For this one, I went with the meaning for actor

To see an actor or actress in your dream represents your pursuit for pleasure. Your admiration of a particular celebrity may lead to a desire to have some of their physical or personality traits. Consider also who this actor/actress is and what characteristics you associate with her or him. These may be the same characteristics that you need to acknowledge or incorporate into yourself. The dream may also be a pun on her or his name. 

To dream that you are an actor denotes that your hard work and labor will be well worth it in the end. It also indicates your strong desires to be recognized and acknowledged. Perhaps you are putting too much emphasis on your outward appearances. Alternatively, the dream may be analogous to the role that you are playing in your real life, whether it be the role of a parent, sibling, co-worker, etc.  Or perhaps you are putting on an act or a facade.

More specifically, if you dream that you are a supporting actor or supporting actress implies that you need to be supportive to those around you. It may seem that your presence doesn't matter, but you play an important part to someone's life. To dream that you are an extra in a movie means that you feel unimportant and unnoticed. Sometimes you feel you are blending in with the background. 

To see a particular actor or actress in your dream look at the role they are playing. Even though you may not know them on a personal level, how you perceive them or the characters they play can provide understanding in how it relates to you. 

To put it all together, I would have to say that this dream may simply be telling me that I am on the right path & doing what I am need to do to keep moving forward in life.  But since dream interpretation is not an exact science and can be interpreted differently by different people, you might have another insight.  What do you think it meant?

(Dream meanings came from this site:http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/f2.htm  and  https://exemplore.com/dreams/Dreaming-of-Colors-A-Dream-Dictionary-of-Colors)

Beauty Is In The Eyes Of Me

There are so many beauty products out there, both for men and women, that tell the consumers that wrinkles are ugly, that gray or white hair is not attractive, stretch marks make you undesirable, and so on.  But who are these people to tell me that I need to hide these changes that time has etched into my body?  Why do I have to be ashamed at the passage of time? 

While I understand wanting to keep your body looking attractive for yourself and others, but why can't the wrinkles, the gray hair, the stretch marks be beautiful too?  They tell a story about your life, how you've grown and changed.  I have started develop white hair in place of my natural dark brown locks and wrinkles have started to become more noticeable around my eyes and my forehead.  The white hair speaks of how I survived childhood (which is still a tough feat, even today).  My wrinkles speak of how often I have laughed, smiled, and cried.  Even the scars on my body tell the story of what I have survived and recovered from. 

So while those companies continue to pedal $100 face creams that say that they will get rid of all the wrinkles and give you baby smooth skin, I will continue to live life.  I will spend time with friends, eat new foods, try new things.  I will not spend money on a temporary beauty fix when I can appreciate the new beauty that I have been given and continue to create new tales to tell.

(Picture found: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/148267012704637278/)

Pre-Game Pub & Grill: The Deliciousness Has Arrived

I enjoy finding new places to visit and new food to try.  I also enjoy supporting local businesses and the place that Lee and I discovered today is definitely worth supporting.

After picking up some mail at the post office, Lee and I decided to stop for lunch.  We had decided on one restaurant but when we pulled in, we saw that a new place had opened up: Pre-Game Pub & Grill.  Open for trying a new place, we changed our minds and went in.

The place was nice and clean and we were greeted by some friendly staff members as we sat down.  Looking over the menu, we decided to get an appetizer: the BBQ pulled pork tater tots.  Holy cow, what a great choice.  Loads of cheese and bbq pulled pork just smothered the tater tots with a sprinkling of chopped onions.  I so did not want to put my fork down but I needed to when our meal came.

Did put down the fork briefly but not for long

My choice for lunch was the grilled cheese and pulled pork sandwich.  I chose to have it with a basket, which meant that I got a choice of coleslaw, fries, side salad, applesauce, or baked beans.  I selected the coleslaw and it did not disappoint.  It was creamy and full of flavor, with the cabbage still being nice and crisp.  The sandwich itself was also a tasebud tingler.  They used Texas toast and the cheese was very nicely melted, oozing in between the tasty pieces of pulled pork.  The pork was super tender and just seemed to melt when you put it in your mouth.

My yummy lunch.  Jealous much?

Lee had the Western burger with the basket as well.  He picked french fries to go with his burger.  His burger was HUGE!  Lee took one look at it and said that he was glad that he didn't go for a double patty.  The burger was also served on toasted Texas toast with lots of bbq sauce and3 large, crispy onion rings and bacon.  The burger had a big pile of fries that were very lightly seasoned with with salt.  

So much tasty goodness

Our meal was so very good and we almost went into a food coma right at our table.  LOL.  Lee was so full that he couldn't finish off his fries, which is a rare thing for him.  When our check came, it was lower than I was expecting.  We were full of great food and it wasn't going to break the bank.

Not too bad for all the food we got :-)  

We also found out that it was the pub's grand opening and we got to meet the owners, who both came over to our table to make sure that everything was good for us.  They are so nice.

Meet Michelle and Jim, the lovely people who own 

and operate Pre-Game Pub & grill

While we did not get the chance to have a dessert (we were too full), the menu offers a few, including root beer floats (which are made with A&W Root Beer, which is the best root beer for a root beer float in my opinion).  You can bet on our next visit, we will be trying the sweet as well as more of the savory.

Visit them in person in the Metro Shopping Center in Peoria, IL and see their full menu on their Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pregamegrill/

or on their website: http://pregamepub.com/

You can also follow them on Twitter: @pub_pre 

The Awesomeness of Socks

I have always had a fondness for socks. It may stem from the fact that my feet seem to always be cold.  It has been something that I have always been drawn to.

 I love any fun pair of socks. When I was a teen and toes socks were all the rage, I swear had or a dozen.  People would ask if they were uncomfortable, but I liked them.  Yes, it was a little awkward at first to have that fabric bunched between your toes but the look of them completely surrounded in their own pockets of color, you couldn't help but smile.

Now, my weakness isn't for toe socks but for just weird sock patterns in general.  As an adult, you often are required to wear some time of uniform or follow a dress code. Wearing fun and weird socks is a way to continue to embrace your inner kid but to secretly break dress code rules. I have to admit that I love finding weird ones, much to my husband Lee's mild annoyance.

Just a few of my fun socks

Rolling In the Dough (Sort Of)

With a C note in my hand to spend on myself, it would depend on how I was feeling on where I would spend it.  If I wasn't feeling well physically my truck would take me to a great massage parlor for a wonderful foot and back massage (bad joints and working 2 jobs takes its toll on the body).  However, if it was more of a mental treat that I needed, to Barnes & Noble I would head.  To load up on fantastic books to get lost in is a piece of heaven to me.  And with getting lots of books, I'll get to reread them any time.

(Prompt 280 out of 300: You have been given $100 on the condition that you must spend it all on yourself.  What will you do with your money?)











(Photo: armydre2008/Flickr)

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Picking my favorite photograph is a hard one.  When I think about it, I have two favorites.  The first would be a picture when I was younger (around 12) and I was holding my baby sister, trying to get her to sleep.  It was after a soccer game and I'm sitting in a rocker, just patting her back & rocking her.  My baby sister and I have a pretty strong bond even now and I think that this was the starting moment.

My second favorite would be from my wedding, where my husband and I are facing each other, just staring into each others' eyes. We still look into each others' eyes the same way over 15 years later.





(Prompt 281 out of 300:  Describe your favorite photograph)