And Now the Weather Forcast...

Doing crosswalk duty, especially in the morning, give you a lot of time to think.  No while I could be trying to think up solutions to different problems plaguing the world today, I end up coming up with a possible, and much more amusing, way of telling yo how cold it is outside.

This whole negative temperatures and wind chill factors doesn't really seem to get across to the general public of how really cold it is outside during these Midwest winters.  You could say that it is 10 degrees Fahrenheit with a wind chill factor of -7 but does that truly tell you how cold it it outside?  I've got a much better way.  Consider a system that tells you what body parts could go numb, freeze or just plain fall off if you were brave enough to step out your front door into winter's chilly grip.  It could go something like this:

Nose hairs will freeze in your nose
Boogersicles (booger icicles) will have from your nostrils.
Nipples will be permanently erect no matter what you are wearing.
Nose has fallen off your face.
Balls will freeze to your thighs.
Balls can now be used as ice cubes in your soda as they now have frozen off your body.

This is just a sample.  It can be expanded to help people better understand how truly cold it is outside.  Think of the lives that it could save

Observations From A Street Corner

To make a few extra bucks, I took a job as being a crossing guard before and after school.  It is a quiet job with lots of time to people watch.  Here are some things that I've seen since I started.

-The majority of people don't seem to know that it is actually illegal to block an intersection.

-It is possible to drive with just the palm of one hand while holding a cigarette in your fingers and your cell phone in the other.

-A lot of people are very interested in staring at their crotches while waiting at a red light. Either that or they are looking at their cell phones.

-It is not just kids that like the little stuffed animals that you get in the kid's meals at fast food places.  Adults like to use them to decorate the back of the car window with them.

-Being in the driver seat makes you invisible to people, which allows you to pick your nose without judgment.

-Sitting at a red light is a great opportunity to make sure that your make-up is looking good.

-Kids will wave at a person that they know and yell their hellos, even if the window is up.  This will often result in a cringe from the driver.

-Bungee cords are an acceptable way to hold loose parts of your vehicle to the body.

(There might be a part 2,3 and 4 sometime in the future)

You Did What?!

A random thought crossed my mind the other day when I licked off some sauce that had dripped onto my phone case.  Right after I did that not too hygienic act, it occurred to me that we truly do some gross things subconsciously everyday.

Why would our brains allow us to do such weird and gross things?  What purpose does it serve in our modern lives?  Was there actually a purpose in ancient times?

We are all told not to put things in our mouths but some how, we seem to forget that.  We will stick our pens, credit cards, paper clips, etc, into our mouth without thinking about it.  We will lick our thumb and use the spit to clean something off a child's face.  Who knows what could be on that kid's face?

And it's not just about the things we do with our mouths.  We touch our noses, our eyes and our ears after handling some not so clean items too.  Apparently, we are out to kill ourselves, subconsciously at least. Or maybe it is an ancient, internal instinct that allows us to introduce small amounts of bacteria into our bodies so that we can better fight off diseases.

New Life of Old Things

I started a second position at the school I work at today. They needed an extra crossing guard and its a few extra bucks added to my paycheck, so no harm there.  Plus I am always happy to help.  The school I teach at is an older one in a smaller town, which means lots of old buildings.  There are five on the corner where I stand alone.  I've always loved the older buildings and homes.  So much more character than the modern ones.  Take this one for example:

This particular building used to be the town's bank.  You've got the faux columns, the neat detail around the edge of the roof, a flag pole to display our nation's flag, and even a clock to tell customers the time.

Sadly, like all old buildings, they are not used for the original reason that they were built.  The bank is no longer a bank, but a cake shop.  The bars are still up on some of the windows, the flagpole stands empty on it's rooftop and the clock no longer tells the correct time.  It is forever stopped at 3:35.  This isn't the only building that is like this.  Like I said, there is 5 old buildings that I can see from my spot on the corner while waiting to help kids cross the street.

There is a building with the name of "Susannah Hill" and the year 1916, built right into the bricks of the building and cute little fleur de lis trimming the edge of the roof.  I don't know the original purpose of the building but it is now home to a sports bar and grill that also offers it's customers video gaming.  Another building next door has an old, faded painted sign that says " Hermann's:  dry goods, shoes..." with the rest of it being covered by the leaves of a sapling.  Next to that is 2 buildings that share a wall but have different names in the brick: "Geo. W. Hermann, 1911" graces one while "Felix Kuhn" graces the other.  This particular building is now home to a bar and restaurant.  Directly across the street from the Kuhn and Hermann building lies an empty building with the word "Dentist" in all capital letters.  Judging from the layout of the building, the front must have been the office space while the home of the dentist laid in the 2-story part in the back.

When you look at these types of buildings, one has to wonder what they originally held, who worked or dwelled within them (a few of these buildings being 2-story, with possible living quarters above the business).  Would the ghosts of the original owners be proud or saddened to see what now occupies where they earned their livelihoods?  What stories could those walls tell us if only they had mouths to speak?

This is what I often think about when I see old buildings or houses.  I'd love to know the history behind them and what was going on during that time to give the buildings the character they now possess.  The new bank now sits within a block of the old one, right in plain sight of the old bank"s front door.  The flag pole no longer has a flag flying proudly on the rooftop and bank customers no longer walk though the beautifully decorated doorway,  being greeted with the correct time.  I wonder if the building's soul misses all the townspeople walking through it's doors, guarding their hard earned money within it's safe.  I could ask, but I'd only receive the building's silent reply.

Too Funny

I work as a paraprofessional (otherwise known as a teacher's aide) at an elementary school.  It is my job to help children that are struggling with any of their subjects.  Recently, I have been working with several kids on their writing, both the writing of their letters and writing actual sentences.  One day, I was trying to get my first graders to practice writing by having them copy something that I had written down.  At first it started out as sentences about themselves but then it morphed into them writing corny jokes.  This got them really interested because once they were done, they got to read their joke out loud for the others in the group to hear.

After the day was over, I got to thinking about jokes and how when we were younger, we all had those silly and corny jokes that we would tell.  We read joke books and tried to pass the off the jokes that we found on our popsicle sticks as our own.  We laughed our heads off at any joke that contained the word "butt" even if the joke itself wasn't that funny.

As an adult, we still laugh at those corny jokes.  Some of us laugh because the jokes seem so stupid, while others laugh because they remember telling those jokes once upon a time.  I say don't laugh at them because they are stupid but laugh at them because your inner child finds them funny.  We often forget about our inner child in the day to day struggles of being an adult.  Our inner child reminds us to laugh at the silly things that life throws at us.  Embrace the silly, embrace the corny.  You never know what trials you will face during the day.  Life needs laughter, just like the body needs air.

And so, in the sprirt of my inner child, I leave you with my favorite corny joke:

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese

On Second Thought....PANIC!!!

Okay, I know that it seems like I am cracking a joke in the title but I'm really not.  As any good writer will tell you, it is important to grab the attention of your reader.  I don't often get serious but I feel that I need to address something that happened to me today.

I work as a paraprofessional and I got to attend my first teacher's institute day.  I got to travel to another school and take part in different workshops that would (hopefully) help me with the students that I work with.  There were tons of teachers from different schools at this event. According to the keynote speaker, there was over 850 people in attendance.  We were all herded into the gym, which became very crowded very quickly.  I've never been very comfortable in large crowds of people, especially people I don't know.  I find a seat near the edge so that I'm not wedged in like a sardine in a small can.  Then it begins.

The discomfort of all these people around me starts to take its toll.  It feels like my skin is crawling, the voices are too loud and it is starting to get too warm.  I get up, under the pretense of giving up my seat to another educator so that he could be by his coworkers.  My true reason was that I was so uncomfortable that it was getting hard to breathe.  I figure if I got up and stood by the doors, I'd be fine.  I'd be able to move and breathe.  Yeah, I wish it would have been that easy.

As I stood by the door, more teachers continued to come in.  It became more and more crowded and my safe haven was being invaded and the feeling of panic began to creep in more and more.  All of a sudden, the panic bomb exploded.  I couldn't take it any more.  I had to get out.  I all but ran out of the nearest door, through the commons and out the door that I had entered the school.  I couldn't breathe.  The tears flowed and I started babbling how I couldn't do it.  I needed someone to talk me down from the panic attack so I called my mom.  To make a long story short, she talked me down from the cliff of anxiety.  I began to breathe again and was able to hear the end of the keynote speaker's speech and attend the workshops.

Why am I talking about this?  Why is it important?  Many of us may know someone who suffers from panic or anxiety attacks but we may not understand why people have them.  If you suffer from them, you have probably been told to "just get over it"  or "there's nothing wrong with you".  For those that do suffer from these attacks know that it is something that you just don't "get over".  It is physically and mentally exhausting.  We don't know what will trigger these attacks or how long they will last.  We actually forget how to breathe, as impossible as that sounds, which is why many people who are having an anxiety/panic attack can actually pass out because we aren't getting enough oxygen.

The best thing that you can do if someone you know is going through an anxiety attack is help them remember how to breathe.  Talk them through it.  You can say things like "breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth".  Don't try to hug them during an attack unless they are okay with it.  Many times, a hug can make it worse since the person can feel like they are being enclosed without a way to escape.

Be kind.  Show compassion.  And always remember to breathe

I Need to Stop Fudgeling

Words are vital in the ongoing communication between others of our species.  Many words we use every day and most of the item, people actually know how to use them.  Other times, they don't.  To quote a line from the movie The Princess Bride "You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it means."  It's important to know how to use those nice, big, long words that you find randomly in a book so that you don't sound like a complete idiot.

Now, when I was still in college, I was in a class designed to help me teach kids how to write and the professor had this great project for us.  We had to have a writing journal but it wasn't for just writing essays down in.  We could write anything we wanted, as long as it had to do with writing.  One of the pages that I created in my journal was a list of interesting words.  It didn't matter if the words were short or long, just as long as they looked weird when you spelled them out or sounded weird when you said them, then that word made the list.  Here is just a sampling of the words that I had on my list:

Triskaidekaphobia - fear of the number thirteen
This word, not only is it fun to say due to the fact that it is a phobia word, which is always a tongue twister, is a word that I actually do use (mainly on any Friday the 13th) and is a part of my mental lexicon (my mental dictionary, see you just learned a new phrase)

Schmuck - an obnoxious person
This is one that I seem to use a lot, especially if I am in a situation where I can't cuss and I need to express just how much I don't like a person.  It is just very satisfying to say.

Periwinkle - a shade of blue-violet, also another name for the myrtle plant and it is also the name of any variety of sea snails
This is one of Lee's favorite words, although he will just say it on random occasions when I ask him a question and not actually use it in a real context. Ha!

(brief side note:  I actually didn't know about that periwinkle refers to sea snails as well, so I learned something new today too)

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious - as Mary Poppins said "its a word to say when you're not sure what to say", it's commonly defined as extraordinarily good
I bet when you read this word that the song from Mary Poppins started playing in your head.  And if it didn't, watch this clip of the song and then it will :-)
https://g.co/kgs/RGD3cS


So, what is the purpose of talking about all this?  Well, after working with kids, it is clear to me that a lot of the beauty of our language is being lost when people forget how to use all the great words that are available to express ourselves.  It is important that we remember to use the big words, the odd words and the silly words to express ourselves, not just the common and easy to remember words.  So in the spirit of expanding one's vocabulary, I share with you this page, which can also be found on Facebook.  Have fun and expand your mind!

Grandiloquent Word of the Day - http://grandiloquent-word.tumblr.com/