As I sit here writing this now, I feel that I must explain that I do not write it for sympathy. I write it simply to purge myself of the feelings that are attempting to swallow me whole.
What does one do when something becomes to unbearable to deal with any longer? Do you walk away, leaving behind all that you know so that you can be free of the burden? I hate to say this but walking away does nothing but make it harder for you to face because you then have to walk back to the issue to face it head on.
But what if the issue is one that doesn't cause you physical pain, but spiritual and emotional? The only physical pain is the pain you give yourself, trying to fight the feelings the issue raises. Sadly, the physical pain that you give yourself can only override the internal pain for so long. Soon it returns, more painful and damaging than ever.
How does one cope with it all? Do you surrender to the darkness, letting it consume everything that you worked so hard for or do you continue to fight back against it, knowing that it will continue to cause you pain?
I ask these questions, not looking for an answer, merely to speak them aloud since they are running so strongly within my head right now. The darkness has arrived and I'm not sure if the small spot of light in the distance is the pure light that I so desperately need or if it is the train coming to take me out of this existence known as this life by hitting me head on.
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