I have been an outcast my entire life. Now that I am an adult, I don't mind so much. I have people who like me for me and I don't have to pretend. Now, this has not always been the case.
Many people would agree that high school wasn`'t the greatest time for them and I would be one of them. I went to high school in the late 90's and it was a very dark time in my life. I have often said that there is not enough money in the world to get me to go back through that experience again. There wasn't a lot of talking about anti-bullying, especially at my high school. I was bullied a great deal during that time period.
The interesting thing about my bullying was that it wasn't the popular girls that tortured me. In fact, they were friendly and treated me nicely. It was the popular boys that made my high school life hell, four of them being the main culprits. I had my hair pulled, things taken off my desk, but the verbal abuse was the worst part.
In my moments of logical thinking, I went to my English teacher to ask to be moved, which was denied simply because he didn't want to mess up his seating chart. I went to my vice principal to report the abuse (my school was very big so we had four VPs and you went to a certain one based on your last name) and she reprimanded me for kissing my boyfriend off school property before school started. It got so bad, that I contemplated suicide several times, getting to the point where I was holding a knife to my wrist. I was luckier than most people suffering from bullies and I escaped high school with my life intact and some mid-level scarring to the psyche.
The reason why I share this painful part of my past with you is something happened last week that brought a lot of these memories of abuse to my mind. I received a letter, addressed to me but under my maiden name. I didn't recognize the name or the return address but curiosity got the best of me. After reading it, the shock was so great that I felt weak in the knees and had to sit down. It was a letter from one of my bullies, one of the main ones in fact.
The letter went like this (edited for privacy reasons):
I am writing this letter in the hope that it reaches (my name). You and I were classmates together at (my high school) in the late 90's. The intent of this letter is not to reconnect with you, we were not close. I more accurately terrorized you in school. I said all kinds of hurtful and insensitive things about your family. I am writing to you now not to revisit that pain and suffering, but to ask for forgiveness. The way I acted towards you was solely my inability to behave and act appropriately. You were completely innocent of any of the negative attention that was directed towards you. If there is ever anything I can do to make it up to you please do not hesitate to ask.
Sincerely,
(my bully)
You hear of things like this happening, especially in this age of mass media, but it is something that you never expect to happen to you. My first thought was "why now?" but then it hit me. It doesn't matter that it happened now. The point is that he was taking responsibility for what he had done to me in the past and was apologizing for it. I do plan on writing him back, to let him know that his letter was received and that his apology was accepted. It takes a lot to admit a mistake and even more to admit that mistake to another person & seek them out for forgiveness.
(Picture credit: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/3f/59/57/3f5957c800df66f4383fe691457eb235.jpg)
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