A Shadow Follows Me Now

 I always like to swing by Petsmart when I'm near it to give good juju to the kitties looking for new homes. Never did I know that I'd find my shadow this way.

Back in January, I had to make a trip to Target to get something. Petsmart is right next store so I did my usual: went in to give good juju to the kitties. I go to each one, reading their little stories. One story broke my heart when I read it, but I gave the good juju and went to get my shopping done.

Wandering around Target, my mind kept going back to her story. She was 9 years old, her owner went to hospice, and the owner's family took her to be put down. She was curled up in a ball in that cage and all I could think of was that she didn't deserve to be in that situation. The sad thing is, it is harder for older cats to get adopted. I couldn't stand it and said so out loud. I got what I needed & left. But I didn't go home.

Walking back into Petsmart, I went up to the cages and tried to find the application. I was going to take this beautiful girl home. I found the phone number, called it, and left a message.

About an hour later, I got a call. They asked if I really wanted to adopt her and I told them yes & how she would be loved and spoiled rotten in my home. The lady texted me the link to the application and I filled it out immediately. 

The next day, I got a call on my 1st break, asking when I could pick her up. I told them I would get her that night. The staff at Petsmart were so happy for my new, fuzzy daughter and for me that one of the ladies actually hugged me for rescuing her.

After a day, this sweet, beautiful ball of black fuzz was purring, loving on me, wanting pets, and following me everywhere. 

Meet my new daughter, Gladys. My darling girl and constant shadow. I love you my sweet girl and I know I'm so blessed to have found you.

Sleeping on me the day after I brought her home

I Can Dance to This

 For years, I have been wanting to learn how to belly dance. I started before Covid, but had to stop due to shutdowns. Luckily, I got to start back up late last year & it is as much fun as I remember.

The funny thing is that, the more I learn and practice, the more I feel I can do this style of dance with just about every song. My teacher said that it is common and that she actually has an excel sheet dedicated to possible dance songs.

So, taking her lead, I started my list. And here is the 1st song on the list: Sonne by Rammstien

Sonne by Rammstien

Dear Mother Bast

 Mother Bast

You have given me 2 of your precious children and I have loved them with every fiber of my being. 

I have cared for them the best that I have been able.

I sent my daughter to you a couple of years ago due to her illness and today I will be sending your son.

I mourn the loss of their beautiful presence in my home and my life.

Please take him into your arms with no pain, as you did his sister, knowing that he takes a piece of my heart with him.

May my children be reunited, healthy and happy.

May my heart remember only the good times.

May one day, when the time is right, my daughter's & son's spirit guide me to another of your children that needs me as much as I will need them.

A'ho

Gabby (left) with her brother Oscar

Dating Myself

 It has been five months since I went from married to single. I have always been around someone.  This is the 1st time I have been on my own, completely supporting myself, with no one to catch me if I fall.  I will admit, it still feels weird to me. Anytime I want to do something or buy something, my brain still takes a minute or two to register that I don't need to check with anyone about it.

They say that you should wait at least a year before going out into the dating world, to make sure that you can stand on your own two feet. That you are out there, not because you have to, but because you want to. You know that you are okay on your own.

Now me, I'm a bit of a homebody. Even if I do go out, it isn't for long or if it will be for a while, I will ask a pal along. Now, how am I to know more about me if I don't start dating myself first?
Here is the plan for my first date with myself:

*get a hair cut

*treat myself to lunch at a place I've never tried

*wander around the museum and admiring stuff I love

Maybe if I feel up to it, I might even be silly and go play some video games or I might just come home to a movie and cuddle session with my cat. Who knows? This is an experiment to get to know me better and I will also look good doing it, so make-up will be on and I will be rocking some of my favorite jewelry too.  Whether or not it goes well, I am sure I'll be learning something I didn't know before.

I'm Alright, Sometimes

 If I chose one word to describe 2022, it would be hell. I have experienced more, mentally and physically this year than I ever have in years past. And I get asked a lot about how I am doing. My response is that I'm alright. Sometimes, I silently add.

I have moments where I feel dumb, that I can't do this on my own, that I don't want to be strong anymore. If my body reflected the state of my mind right now, here is what you would see: bruises, some fresh and some healing

scrapes, raw and bleeding while others are stabbed

eyes, sunken, with tear tracks leading from them

If you see me, please give me a hug. I need them so much. Tell me about things. Please don't ask how I am. I am crawling along, leaving a trail of mental blood and physical tears behind me.

I'm doing alright, sometimes. 

Friends With an Ex?

 In life, we aren't always handed what we want.  Many go into marriage thinking that they have found the one that they are meant to be with for the rest of their time on Earth.  Sadly, this isn't always the case.

 

Don't get me wrong.  I firmly believe that people can get married once and stay with that one person for the rest of their lives, being truly happy.  I had counted myself as one of those lucky ones until something happened that caused it to end.  I won't explain it here since it is still very painful to think of, let alone talk about.  For those of you thinking that it was cheating, it was not.  But I will say this, something happened to cause the deep, forever love that I had for that person to break into millions of pieces and get swept away in the ocean of grief I found myself thrown into, and washed away into nothingness.

Why do I share this with you?  What could possibly be the point?  I share this because I spent some time talking with that very person today: my ex.  We got to talk, just him and I, without the input of people around us.  I still feel that he is a good guy and deserves to be loved again, just not by me the way that I used to.  I can only hope that he feels that way about me.  We both agreed we could be friends and I truly hope that we can be as time pulls us in different directions.  We both had a great impact on each other's lives, both positively and negatively, and I hope that only the positive stuff remains in our minds as we move on with our lives.

I was watching the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" and there was a line that mentioned something about past loves.  The character said that it was still okay to love that person, even though they were no longer a part of your life.  That every time you thought of them, to send them love and light, then let go.  So that is what I shall do.

A New Road to Travel Down

 In less than 20 days, something will happen in my life that I never would have imagined would happen to me.  I will be walking into the world with no partner at my side.  

 

Now, I know several people who have gone through this phase and all in different ways than mine.  How does one handle facing the the world as an individual rather than a pair? To be honest, I am a little nervous.  I have always had a person at my side to lean on when things got tough.  Now things will be done on my own.  It feels odd.

I'm open to any suggestions from those that have walked this path before.