There is a mark on my right hand, a pink mark about an inch long. It is a scar, caused by self harm.
This particular mark was created due to an conversion between myself and my boss. The negative feedback that I received was overwhelming to my brain. When this happens, a pit of despair opens up & threatens to swallow me whole. The pain in my chest can get to the point where I feel I have to cause pain elsewhere on my body to allow the release of the pain in my heart. I don't use any tool, just my fingernails. I will scratch my skin hard, over and over again until I feel the pain in my heart subside. In most cases, the scratches are in areas covered by my clothes and done when no one is around. Sadly, the mark on my hand was caused during the conversation with my boss, running a fingernail back and forth, like a saw against my skin.
Why do I share this? What good can come from it? They say that the first step to healing is to admit you have a problem. I have been self harming for years, since my teens. I have spoken of it to very few people but my husband knows the true depths of it. He has helped me and I don't do it as much as I used to. But I still do it and the scar is a reminder of what happens when that depression take a hold. The scar also reminds me that I can heal as well.
